Sevgi gibi kuvvetli bir duygunun ürünü olan bebek, nefret gibi bir duyguyla anılabilir mi? Konuya ilgi duyan yazarların kaleminden çıkan düşüncelerden birisi şudur: Ninnilerde, oyunlarda ya da masallarda geçen bazı ifadeler sanıldığı kadar masum ya da duygusal bir içeriğe sahip değildir. Winnicot'un "Karşı Aktarımda Nefret" çalışması bu düşünceyi temellendirme girişimlerinden birisidir. Yazara göre kadın, hamilelik, doğum ve doğum sonrasında yaşadıklarına bağlı olarak uygun bir şekilde bebeğinden nefret edemezse mazoşizme düşmek zorundadır. Hamilelik ve sonrası kadın açısından yeni bir devrin başlangıcı gibidir. Erginlik dönemini tamamlayan kadın kendini dünyaya getirenin yerini alarak rol değişimi yaşamaktadır. Öte yandan son kuşak olmaktan da bir vazgeçiştir. Bu dönem aynı zamanda kadının kendiyle olan mahrem karşılaşmasının da yaşandığı ender zamanlardandır. Endişe, çatışma, korku ve kaygıların zihni en çok bulandırdığı bir dönemdir. Gebelikle birlikte değişen beden ona değil fetüse aittir ve onun hizmetindedir. Kadın açısından annelik öncesi tarihin canlanması da söz konusudur. Kadın her açıdan bir rol değişimine uğramaktadır. Değişen bedeni yeni bir göreve hizmet edecektir. Kadınlık annelik ikileminde annelik ağır basmakta, zihni bu yeni role adapte olma mücadelesi vermektedir. Öte yandan hamilelik deneyimi kadına yaşam ve ölüm kavramlarını hatırlatır. Kadın korkuyu ve de ölümü aynı anda hisseder.Diğer yandan rahibe benzeri bir hayat başlamaktadır kadın için. Süreç içinde kadın aşk yaşamına dönme ve çocuğuna belli bir mesafe koyma ihtiyacı hissedebilir. Bütün bu yaşananların toplamına bağlı olarak diyebiliriz ki kadının yükü sadece karnındaki yük değildir. Neticede bu değişimlerin toplamı kadında duygusal taşmalara zemin hazırlayacaktır.Zarar vermek amaçlı bir içeriğe sahip olmayan nefret, ilişkiyi muhafaza etmek için hissedilen bir duygu niteliğindedir. Uzaklaşmanın değil yakınlaşma isteğinin bir yansımasıdır. Bu anlamda anne uygun bir şekilde bebeğinden nefret edebilmelidir. Yaşadığı iki yönlü duyguların (sevginefret) ilişki içinde kabul edilebilmesinde annenin imdadına ninniler, masallar ve oyunlar yetişmektedir

Can a baby, product of a powerful emotion like love, be mentioned with an emotion like hate? Here is one of the important thoughts written by the authors interested in the subject: some expressions mentioned in lullabies, plays or tales are not so innocent or have not such emotional contents. Winnicot’s “Hate in the Countertransference” is one of the attempts to justify this thought. According to the author, if she cannot hate her baby in a proper manner depending on what happened after pregnancy, maternity and postpartum periods, there is no other way for her from failing to stand against the masochism. The pregnancy and post pregnancy are a beginning of an era for woman. The woman, who completes the adolescence period, experiences the change of role by taking the place of the woman who gave birth to herself. On the other hand, it is a renunciation from being the last generation. This period is also the rare periods where the woman experiences the confidential meeting with herself. This is a period when the anxiety, conflict, fear and concerns make her mind confused at most. The body changing with the pregnancy belongs to the fetus not to her any more. The revival of premotherhood periods is a matter in terms of woman. The woman experiences the change of role in every respect. Her changing body will serve for a new duty. The motherhood outweighs in motherhood/ femaleness dilemma but her mind strives to adopt this new role. On the other hand, a life like priestess starts for woman. The woman may feel the need to return to her love life and put some distance between her baby and herself within the process. We can say depending on the sum of all these experiences that the load of woman is not just the load in her belly. Finally, the sum of these changes will form a basis for the emotional overflows in the woman. Hate, not containing any harmful things, is a feeling to conserve the relation. It is a reflection of intimacy rather than withdrawal. In this sense, mother should be able to hate her baby in a proper manner. Lullabies, plays and tales come mother’s rescue to help her accept reciprocal emotions (love-hate) she has within the relation.Within the studies reflected in the literature about motherhood, one of the interesting thesis confronted us is that; “Is it possible to call a baby, product of a strong feeling as love, with a feeling like hate?”. One of the important thoughts written by the writers related to the subject is that: Some expressions in lullabies, games or fairy tales are not as innocent or sensible as thought. Winnicot’s “Hate in Counter-transference” (1994) study is one of the attendances for grounding this thought. According to the writer, if the woman does not hate her baby because of the things she lived during her pregnancy, birth and after birth, she has to fall in masochism. For a woman living with double values (love-hate) these emotions must be thrown out in some way. In this sense lullabies, games or fairy tales are releasing the destructive thoughts of the woman. The motherhood which is starting from falling of the child into the womb is richness as well as injury for the woman. This is richness for a woman because of justification of her by this new creature and pride that she feels, and also it is an injury because of this creature is exploiting her. Nominately, pregnancy is a deformity. The reason of this deformity is the purpose of sustaining the kind. According to the relevant writers, the physical events in the first months of the pregnancy (like nausea, listlessness, dizziness) are in a kind of reaction to this sense of tearing. In other words, this is a sign of the woman denying the baby without noticing. Especially vomiting behavior is the reflection of the fear to the body. And this situation is unique for humans. There is no other mammal living this situation. Briefly even the woman desires the baby, the body defies against this. This process in which the profits and losses are handled together, is taking the woman into nothingness in a way. The woman standing between two senses is struggling to stay balanced with the involving of different senses. The pregnancy and the following period are like the starting of a new age for the woman. The woman finishing her adolescent period changes the roles with the woman who gave birth to her. On the other hand it is a renunciation from being the last generation. It is a journey from the membership of one generation to a next generation. This period is also one of the rare times which the woman is confronting herself in a private way. It is a period that anxiety, conflict, fear and concern are confusing the mind mostly. There are some reasons triggering these senses. First of all the changing body with the pregnancy does not belong to her anymore. It belongs to the fetus and serving it. Many thoughts coming with these extreme emotions according to this commitment sense are forcing the woman. Such as, the direst feeling of these senses is to give birth to a child with a deficiency. The woman can perceive this situation as a sign of a sin. With this new period, the base of a new life is coming into existence. In this process woman can feel the need of returning back to her love life and putting a distance between her and the child. According to all of these facts, we can say that the woman’s burden is not only the burden on her belly. Eventually the total of these changes form the basis for the emotional overflowing in the woman. The last time period of the birth is allowing the woman to admire her baby. The reaction against the separation is tried to be defeated by rediscovering the baby. With the birth she becomes over emotional against her baby from the first weeks. She identifies herself with her baby instinctually to meet all the needs of the baby. All these senses are actually the reflection of the love of the mother to the baby. Such as the woman uses the adjectives she used for her lover. In this relationship defined as “motherly love” there is a double valuableness like in every relationship. Love and hate are together which are fed from the same source. In this relationship of love, the hate is hidden, and sometimes it is ignored. Because there is fear and it has to be masked. And with the birth of the baby, it is possible to awake the sense of hate in the woman who is struggling with physical and psychological demands. Every argument in the article of Winnicot called Hate in Counter-transference are not expressions of a devastating hate. Bollas is defining the hate of the mother against her child as “loving the hate”. This hate is not a sense in purpose of giving harm. On the contrary, it is a feeling to protect the subject and relation. The person either hates or tries to be hated by the person against him/her. After all he/she believes that the passionate relationship can be possible only with hate. Namely according to this view hate is not the opposite of the love but a derivative. The person is moving with the fear of not being seen or considered by the other one. He/she wants to get closer instead of going away by the hate. This feeling is a defense mechanism for the woman. It is a feeling to protect the relationship from the point of woman. Generally the hate which is a pentup feeling is tried to be compensated by love which is the opposite feeling. May be the woman is afraid of the responsibility feeling coming from the reality of being the first person in a child’s life. Being mother means being dedicated. Besides it is possible to refresh the period before the maternity. The woman is changing roles in every aspect. Her transforming body will serve a new assignment. In the dilemma of womanhood and motherhood, motherhood is outweighing and her mind is struggling to adopt this new role. Also, the pregnancy experience memorizes the woman the life and death terms. Woman may has never felt the fear and death so close. According to Winnicot the reasons of a mother to hate her baby can be written as: 1. Baby is not her(mentally) baby 2. Baby is not one of the childhood games or child of her father, her brother or sister. 3. Baby is not produced by magic 4. Baby is a danger for her body in pregnancy and birth 5. Baby is an intervention for her special life and a danger for her interests 6. More or less a mother feels that her mother demands a baby, therefore she produced the baby to shut her up 7. Baby hurts while sucking the nipples, which this activity was made of chewing before 8. Baby is cruel, it behaves her as a maid without a payment or a slave. 9. She must love it in the beginning no matter what happens even its shit or her concern about herself 10. Baby tries to hurt her, it always bites her, and these come from love. 11. Baby always feels disappointment about her. 12. Its excited love is only for show, when it gets what it wants, she will be thrown away like an orange peel. 13. The baby must definitely have the hegemony. It must be protected from the coincidences and the life must go in the speed of the baby and this must be mother’s duty all the time. For example, she can not be concerned while she is holding it in her arms. 14. At the beginning the baby does not know what she is doing and sacrificing for it. Especially she can not let its hate. 15. It is suspicious, denies the beautiful food she gives, and causes her mother to suspect herself. But it eats whatever its aunt gives. 16. After a horrible morning with the baby, they go out and the baby smiles the first stranger who says “how sweety!” to it. 17. She knows that it will make her pay forever if she does not do the requirements in the beginning. 18. It excites but also annoys the mother – she must not eat it or change it for sex. In his study, Winnicott defends the thesis of the mother must be able to tolerate the hate against her baby without doing anything. According to writer, the hurt mother must fall into the masochism if she can’t hate properly and this causes the birth of a false theory as the natural masochism in women. Mother must be able to hate her child but must tolerate this without any words or expressions. The rhymes, lullabies, fairy tales and games come to the help of the mother and child in double value senses (love hate) during the relationship. The lullabies which express the unwanted feeling in the love hate dilemma, bears the traces in mother’s life. It can be expressed that mother’s world, life, emotional status and feelings against the child are important in forming of the lullabies. Her disappointment, fears, loneliness, yearnings, expectations in briefly her psychological situation is told in lullabies as well as the wishes. Maybe lullabies are a kind of psychological treatment for the mother. Winnicott underlines that the lullabies spoken in his relevant study are not emotional lullabies. According to him, the mother expresses her devastating urges by a lullaby without knowing that it expresses the hate.