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JİBARA’DAN CHİQUİTA’YA: ESMERALDA SANTİAGO’NUN ANILARINDA BİR YERE AİT OLAMAMANIN İTİRAFLARI

Bu makale, Porto Rikolu Amerikalı yazar Esmeralda Santiago’nun, When I was Puerto Rican (1993), Almost a Woman (1998) ve The Turkish Lover (2004) adlı üç anı kitabındaki ırk, cinsiyet ve kimlik kavramlarının kesiştiği noktalara odaklanarak, Porto Rikolu göçmen kadın deneyiminin iç içe geçmiş dinamiklerini irdelemeye amaçlamaktadır. Kültürler ötesi olma sorununu erkek egemen kültür yapısıyla birlikte ele alan bu anı kitapları, Esmeralda Santiago’nun hareketlilik, geçişkenlik, süreksizlik ve parçalanmanın hakim olduğu bir dünyada tutarlı bir referans noktası bulma ve bunu sürdürebilme arzusu üzerine şekillenir. Porto Riko kültürünün yanı sıra annesi ve sevgilisi ile de yaşadığı kırılganlık ve yok sayılma gibi duygular, yazarın cinsiyete ve ırka bağlı bir benliği kabul etmesinden ziyade böyle bir benliğe karşı direnmesine yol açmıştır. Ancak bu durum, değer verdiği kişilerle çatışan ve onlardan kendini ayrı tutan bir kimliğe bürünmesine de sebep olur. Yazar, When I was Puerto Rican adlı kitabında hem Porto Rikolu hem de Amerikalı köklerine eleştirel yaklaşan ve onlara ters düşen “Negi” adlı siyahi bir jibara olmuşken, Almost a Woman kitabında annesi, ailesi ve Nuyorica topluluğunu geride bırakmaya çalışan genç Esmeraldaya dönüşür. The Turkish Lover adlı eserinde ise Amerikan toplumunun sosyal ve ırksal sınıfları ve kültürel standartları üzerinden kendini ve başkalarını yargılamayı öğrenen bir Esmeralda Santiago ile karşılaşırız. Bu makale, birçok otobiografik kadın yazarların aksine, Esmeralda Santiago’nun önceleri bir farklılık iddiası, sonrasında ise Porto-Rikalı kadın kimliğine karşı verdiği mücadele ile ancak bir aidiyet duygusu yaratmayı başarabildiğini ileri sürmektedir.

Anahtar Kelimeler:

Esmeralda Santiago, When I was Puerto Rican, Almost a Woman, The Turkish Lover, Porto Rikolu Kadın Deneyimi, The Turkish Lover

FROM “JIBARA” TO “CHIQUITA”: CONFESSIONS OF DIS-BELONGING IN ESMERALDA SANTIAGO’S MEMOIRS

This paper by focusing on the intersection of race, gender and identity as reflected in the three memoirs of the Puerto-Rican American writer Esmeralda Santiago, When I was Puerto Rican (1993), Almost a Woman (1998) and The Turkish Lover (2004), attempts to read into the complex dynamics of the Puerto-Rican migrant female experience. Esmeralda Santiago’s memoirs that intertwine the problem of transculturation with that of male dominance and cultural patriarchy rest on her desire to find and sustain a stable point of reference in a world marked by mobility, transitivity, discontinuity and fragmentation. The feelings of vulnerability and invisibility that she constantly experiences within her Puerto-Rican culture and later with her Turkish lover lead her to resist rather than accept a gendered and racialized self. However it also leads her to forge an identity “distinct from” and “in conflict with” the significant Others around her. In When I was Puerto Rican, she is the black jibara “Negi” highly critical and at odds with her Puerto/AmeRican island heritage; in Almost A Woman, she is the lost young female Esmeralda trying to rise above her mother, family and Nuyorican community; and in the The Turkish Lover she is the Esmeralda Santiago who learns to judge her own self and others through the social and racial categories and cultural standards of American society. This paper asserts that unlike many women autobiographical writers, Esmeralda Santiago can achieve to create a sense of belonging in her life only through an assertion of difference and later through the contestation of her Puerto-Rican female identity.

Keywords:

Esmeralda Santiago, Puerto Rican Female Experience, When I was Puerto Rican, Almost a Woman, The Turkish Lover,

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