Jessica Goodell’in Shade It Black İsimli Eserinde Savaş Sonrası Benliğin Şekillendirilmesi

Daha genç bir kızken gözünü “erkeklerin yapabileceği” işlere diken Jessica Goodell, Amerikan Deniz Piyade Teşkilatı’nda tank mürettebatı olarak hizmet vermek istemesine karşın, bu pozisyon kadınlara uygun bulunmadığından malzeme teknisyenliğine razı gelir. Cephede ise kendini bir morg çalışanı olarak görev yaparken bulur. Goodell savaştan döndükten beş yıl sonra Shade It Black: Death and After in Iraq (2011) isimli Irak Savaşı anlatısını kaleme alır. Orduya hizmeti esnasında hem erkek hem kadın Deniz Piyade askerleri tarafından ayrımcılığa uğrar. Savaş sonrasında travma sonrası stres bozukluğu ile mücadele ederken savaşa dair felsefi ve ahlaki sorular ve anılar Goodell’i rahat bırakmaz. Hayatta kalma stratejisi olarak, parçası olmaktan suçluluk duyduğu savaş ile ilişkilendirdiği erkeksi Deniz Piyadesi görünümünden sıyrılıp, kadınsı bir dış görünüme bürünür. Bu makale Goodell’in tecrübe ettiği iki kimlik dönüşümüne odaklanır: savaş sonrası geleneksel bakış açısına göre “kadınsı” bir görünüme bürünmesi ve politik olarak orduyu destekleyen bir piyadeden savaşı eleştiren bir sivile dönüşmesi. Eseri fiziksel ve politik bir kendini-tasarlama metni olarak ele alan bu çalışma, bu iki dönüşüm arasındaki ilişkiyi Irak Savaşı esnasında Amerikan ordusunda bir kadın deniz piyadesi ve bir morg görevlisi olma deneyimlerine odaklanarak açıklamaya çalışır.

Anahtar Kelimeler:

Jessica Goodell, cinsiyet kimliği, ABD Deniz piyadesi kimliği, Irak Savaşı, yaşam yazını

“Fashioning” the Post-War Self in Jessica Goodell’s Shade It Black

As a young girl who sets her eyes on “what men are capable of doing,” Jessica Goodell takes the challenge to serve the U.S. Marine Corps as a heavy equipment mechanic, since her aspiration to serve as a tank crew member is not found appropriate for a woman. When she is deployed to Iraq, however, she finds herself serving the Corps as a mortuary clerk. She has written Shade It Black: Death and After in Iraq (2011), five years after her return home. During her service, she is subjected to discrimination by both male and female Marines. Back home, as a veteran with PTSD, she feels tormented by the memories of and philosophical and moral questions about the war. She adopts feminine fashion codes as part of her survival strategy, giving up on the masculine Marine style symbolizing all that is associated with the war and her feeling of guilt resulting from her part in it. This article will focus on Goodell’s two identity conversions: her choosing of “proper femininity” after the military experience and her political journey from being a supporter of the military to a sober critic of the war. Taking her memoir as a text of physical and political self-fashioning, this study will observe the relationship between these two conversions by analyzing the gendered aspect of soldiering for female Marines who served in Iraq as well as Goodell’s unique military role as a mortuary clerk.

Keywords:

Jessica Goodell, gender identity, Marine identity, Iraq War, life writing,

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